One of my best friends, who currently lives in New Zealand sent this on and has suggested we start a collection to buy me a kidney. It's all the rage for Kidney Diseased Kiwis, desperate for a new organ in a country which rates very poorly when it comes to giving the gift of life.
Personally I don't like the idea of my surgery being performed on a rock in some jungle, with nothing but a few bottles of vodka for an anaesthetic and some class of a tribal leader slicing me open to work a bit of black magic and voodoo, with some two-bit translator trying to handle the communications between us.
Me: "They're sure it's a kidney, yes?"
Translator: "You got the liver from the goat, yes?"
Tribal Chief (grinning proudly): "Our finest pancreas from our finest mountain llama"
Nor do I feel comfortable with paying some poverty-stricken individual the price of a second-hand, third-rate motor vehicle for one of their vital organs. I'm not a great believer in karma, but even I would spend my life waiting to be struck by a bolt of lightning if I went through with that.
I would however like to see the look on my doctors' faces when I just dropped off the dialysis radar and they received the following postcard a few weeks later from Outer Exotica Land:
"Lads, I'm sorted. Went for a more direct route for a new kidney. The surgery was a bit hairy at times, but nothing the HSE wouldn't certify as above-board. Will be home soon. Weather great. Regina
PS It's normal to be paralysed from the waist down for a few weeks, right?"