Friday, May 6, 2011

The replacement

Brendan has been taken away for his service. He needs a little TLC from his makers, a holiday, a few nights away from life-saving.

The lucky bastard. No such break from this toil for me.

His lights stopped working a while back, no doubt from the numerous car journeys I insist on bringing him on.

I don’t believe the dialysis machine was made for traipsing around rural Irish roads in the boot of my stupid car, which has a suspension that buckles at the sight of a pothole.

I now have a substitute in place in my home, and I like him even less. He is older, noisier, more obnoxious in the night-time hours.

He is probably a cantankerous old uncle to Brendan’s youthful boyishness. He has no time for my hasty set-up practices, the shortcuts I increasingly take, my strolling in home at 2am, with a tummy full of toxins mixed with vodka.

I feel the need to treat him as we did sub teachers back in the schooldays. With derision. You’ll note I’ve not even given him a name, and I name most objects in my possession.

But as with Brendan, and as with sub teachers, he will win all of our battles. I will return to him night after night, to curse him, and hate him, but knowing I need him.

Like a good little puppet on a string.


  1. I was about to ask you his name, but you covered all the bases.

  2. Regina, It is such a good thing I am not a social worker, for what you have described is a very unhealthy relationship. Which of course it is, in so many ways.
    We rely on these things, cater to their moods and unyielding demands, press their buttons at their commands, while they press ours. They erode the lines of our peritoneum they cause us to gurgle in social situations and they disrupt our sleep and our lives, and insist we love them because we can't live without them.
    Endure your time with Brendan's evil uncle as best you can, don't take any shortcuts that would compromise your health (I worried a bit when I read that) and all the best from

    Regina, SK

  3. Radge - I take pride in covering all bases. In one of my former lives, I used to be a reporter, y'know.

    J Harper - Don't worry, I take few shortcuts, but I think we all amend the 'set-up' process a little as time goes on. I haven't had an infection in the two years I've been on, so I'm doing ok!

  4. Slacker! You make him sound like Strickland from Back to the Future. Throw a feather boa on him, give him a Del Boy straw, let him chill and mix the mojitos!

    Anon E Moose