Monday, July 12, 2010

It's not my fault

I am enough of an opportunist to know it is a wise patient who occasionally uses her illness as the foundation of an excuse for just about anything.

I don't think this is wrong really - not by any relevant moral or ethical code.

It's wrong to try to get out of an exam by saying your set-dancing, bridge-playing granny has just passed to her eternal reward and it's wrong to fake sickness when you're blooming with health, but when you're fcuked, I figure there's little harm that can be done to your karma in turning the situation to your advantage.

The main excuse that I'm peddling at the moment is that my sickness is making me confused and a bit slow on the uptake, particularly when it comes to technology. It is true - you can check any of the websites - that CKD is said to result in a degree of head-scratching and mild mayhem upstairs. Toxins aren't removed from the brain you see. All those nasty elements that should be excreted remain up there, floating around, clogging up normal thought processes.

Now, I have never been a great one for electronics, having quickly graduated to the OAP bracket of comprehension once the DVD player came on stream and the VCR was relegated to the 'back in the old days' category of technological advancement.

But more recent years have seen the struggle become even more cumbersome. Tonight I tried to download an app to my mobile phone for the first time and I barely made it past the homepage on There were too many instructions and demands for passwords and usernames and requests to sign in to this account and that account.

I fear my lengthy and largely pointless college education did not equip me for all this. And even if I did come into the world with some ability to adapt and learn, it has now been thwarted by this disease that started as a few antibodies in my kidneys before multiplying and posting its poison north to slow the function of my grey matter.

Well, that's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it.


  1. Or you could just be like me - words, never numbers or code or plugs or sockets or bulbs or engines or scart leads or apps.

    I apologise for that sentence. Too much going on entirely.

  2. Oh no. I'm starting a degree in history in September because I flippantly decided I needed something challenging unrelated to my job.

    Now I fear the reality of that. Concentration, discipline. And concentration again.

  3. Radge - It is for this reason that people like us fail to find real jobs, fail to change lightbulbs or sort out that stuff with the bank or do the assortment of chores that are required on a daily basis in adulthood. It sucks.

    Holemaster - Good on you. I'm all in favour of a Never Neverland of student life. Did six years myself. Spent most of the final two reading Harry Potter and other kids' books in UCD library. Didn't get a job out of it, but no regrets. You'll love it.

  4. ur thing about technology is a common experience for many people and I dont think its anything to do with ur age or dialysis..interesting about toxins though...applications that win out are ones that are more user-friendly but many arent..lot of website re-designs at the moment for same reason..clarity and ease of use increases users coming back to it...anyway tech always evolves faster than u can so dont worry about it..just go with flow ;)

  5. String - That's very comforting to know I'm not the only one in the Technological Remedial class. Thank you!