Teething problems

Kidney gave me a little jolt last week - a bit of trouble, a few nights of choosing to blink into the dark rather than close my eyes and dream the bad dreams. Visions of it all collapsing around me.

Were there any doubt that kidney is male, these have now been dealth with.

My blood results indicated a virus in my system, which caused something of a panic, because there are a few viral enemies that can strike and target the new organ, particularly in these early months.

We're talking the CMV, and we're talking the Polyoma.

I went away from the clinic with eyes shiny. I hated that day. I wandered, which is what I do when I am trying to out-run thoughts that are dark, and tomorrows that might be worse than today.

Then I went to the cinema, because big pictures and loud sounds are welcome at those times.

Repeat tests yesterday brought relief from the worry. The viral something seems to have come and almost gone without having caused any disturbance.

Emmet is still a brilliance in there. I saw him. I heard him. An ultrasound that was ordered just to ensure everything was still okay gave me a chance to have a look at him for the first time.

A remarkable moment for me. I was as emotional as the actress who over-plays that scene when she has a scan of her baby.

Emmet is a beauty. As regards my own kidneys, well, the radiographer couldn't even find them initially, they are that small now. Total losers.

It's been a strange few days, a little bit of limbo re-visited. It reminded me that with hope, there is also the possibility of disappointment. With this good health, I exist now on a knife-edge.

Turns out, so does everyone else.